A little montage of scenes from the first game is shown over pounding rock music.
I am surprised about how much and how little I remember of it at the same time.
New Campaign and let's rock or Normal difficulty.
Usual analogue sticks
Click Right stick to crouch.
Click Left stick to run.
Right trigger to shoot
Left to zoom.
Up on dpad for Duke Vision.
Down on dpad to drink beer.
A to jump.
Mission 1
Start off urinating into a urinal. Duke is in what looks like the shower room of a football team locker room.
I move into a large room and there are some uniformed police or soldiers standing around a whiteboard. They are planning how to attack a large monster. Their plan seems to be simply to charge.
There are wounded lying around.
I go out into the corridor and the monster can be seen under fire from the cops. I go towards it and it blows up the cops hurling Duke back down the corridor. The Way is blocked so we have to go back and go down the stairs.
I move through some corridors and see soldiers fighting aliens.
I move through an area with fighting, though as soon as I get in the area the soldiers take out the aliens. A gun is left behind. As I pick it up I get taken up on the lift I am standing on.
I am now facing the giant monster that was blowing things up earlier on at the football field itself.
The boss has rockets, a rush attack and an ground based energy weapon. Ammo for the rocket firing gun you have called the devastator runs out quick but is dropped in by air support. The alien has a health bar. Once it's worn down you have a little QuickTime to hurt the alien and kick a field goal with it's eye which pops out.
Then the scene cuts
Mission 2
We are in the real world now, seems what has went before was a game Duke was playing. He quips that it should be good as it has taken 12 years to make.
Two girls are pleasuring Duke while he plays the game.
The news reports show that alien ships have arrived and are hovering over the city. The president is in talks with the aliens. There is speculation as to whether these are the same aliens from the last time 12 years ago.
I can play pool just like the last game.
Looking in Mirrors and playing pool increases your ego, which means you can take more damage.
The alien ship can be seen out of the window of Duke's Penthouse.
I move through Duke's Penthouse filled with pictures of him climbing Everest and other outrageous feats. Then into an elevator.
Mission 3
Downstairs we are in the tv studio of a late show a like. I have to sign an autograph for a kid and then go on stage. However the show is canceled as the aliens have arrived in a Dukeburger nearby and all the news crews are covering it.
Duke decides to go and investigate.
Backstage a guy is giving a Christian Bale style rant, we can knock him out for an achievement.
Inevitably the aliens have started shooting, explosions can be heard and the ground is shaking.
I take another lift.
It seems that we are stuck and the emergency button opens the lift roof which we can climb up onto.
The doors to the next floor are forced and I come out into a Duke Museum.
The museum is full of statues and pictures from the earlier games.
A throne is available to take pictures on. A kid is sitting in it, he won't move until we take his picture and we have to press a button to make it happen. He then moves and we sit on the throne which is a lift to a secret areas.
Mission 4
The Duke cave
In the Duke cave, which is filled with computers and screens. The old bios screen on bootup isn't lost on me.
The President and a general appear on the screens and tell Duke to sit on his hands. The president is in talks with the Cycloid emperor and does not want Duke to start shooting them up yet.
The general it seems reluctantly agrees with the President.
Duke's computers flash a warning about intruders. Through a door in the back of the room we see the aliens are inside Duke's complex.
In the next area an alien is coming through a door trying to hit us. I punch him and he goes back through. On trying to open the door a computer voice tells us that we need a red keycard. Duke tells us that he doesn't need a keycard and we force open the door with QuickTime.
Now we can chuck objects at aliens and kick them to execute them.
I go through a hatch into a crawlspace.
Then things go dark and we have night vision, aptly named Dukevision.
Now we are meeting more aliens and get a gun to shoot back.
The reactor has three pods that have been removed. Two are found in the room of the actual reactor. The last is two rooms away and we have to use a remote control car to get it out of a room. Basically a little puzzle and skill test to push it from one place to the other. Back in the reactor room we turn the power back on.
Now we run along some corridors shooting the aliens. We get a pistol in addition to the alien plasma weapon we have been using so far.
I run along the corridor until I come to a gun type emplacement at the centre of a lift.
Mission 5
Going up in the lift Duke Activates the gun. We come out on the roof of the skyscraper under the alien mothership.
This is an emplaced gun section. The mothership needs shot in the guns that protrude out of it's shield. There are ships which attack with lasers and sent out jetpack troops.
There is long loading every time you die and the enemy ships are two hit kills.
After wearing down the ships health it's main gun blows up. Duke's gun is hit by debris and he is knocked out. The elevator takes him back down and he wakes up four hours later. We crawl through some vents.
Now we have to stop an elevator from falling, we pull the emergency brake, but it heats up and fails. I struggled with this mini game to understand what the hell I am meant to be doing. Again a long load after a death in what seems like a tiny area of game.
Mission 6
I eventually learn that you have to keep it from overheating.
Now we come out of the elevator and get shrunk by a crater of alien goo.
We meet the kid from earlier that we gave and autograph to. He lets us have his remote control car to drive.
Now there is a long driving sequence where we take the remote control car through the hotel.
Lots of jumps and we can see aliens kidnapping women using teleporters.
mission 7
After a load we progress through the casino halls until we come to a door the car can't pass under.
I find that duke can get out and crouch to get under. we now need to climb on stuff to get to the door switch.
Now we have more driving, charging aliens try and stomp you.
We come to a gate, the two girls from earlier are behind it with soldier.
We have to move a luggage trolley next to the switch and then jump on furniture to get to the switch.
Now we meet the girls and get back to full size.
Alien start teleporting in, we get the shotgun and it's a fun time taking out waves of aliens with the shotgun. Eventually the babes are teleported away and Duke is angry now.
I have to force open a gate then go along the corridor we just drove along fighting the charging pig aliens.
Next we have a wave of all variety of aliens coming from a hole in the ceiling.
Now another large room, we seem to be going back along the track we took with the car, why?
You can play the fruit machines.
Mission 8
We come to a statue of Duke, we have to move it so that it is pointing to a man above us on a balcony. The arms have to be moved up. We then have to pull down a city structure that is around Duke and then climb on it to climb onto the statue and up it to get to the balcony.
Now we get a quick tutorial on trip mines. How to duck under and over them. Also to shoot them when we can see the actual mine.
Fires are shown to us and also the fact that we can shoot fire extinguishers to put out fires that are blocking the way.
We meet some soldiers from the Earth Defense force.
Then a boss battle with a fat flying creature. It shoots rockets and is backed up by some pig cops.
Mission 9
The general speaks to us. The aliens have made a wormhole by the Hoover dam. They are using it to bring in reinforcements.
The aliens are taking women to the Dukedome.
We go outside and meet a gung ho soldier. Every second word is a curse from this man. In the back of a supply truck is Master Chiefs armor, which Duke pronounces is for pussies.
I get the ripper gun, which if I remember was a staple of old Duke.
Now we have an emplaced gun section out on the streets.
Waves of pigs and flying teleporter pigs.
A new alien beam weapons and an rpg here.
Now we are moving through the streets, also some emplaced guns and waves.
I come to a large crater and after some waves of enemies a large boss appears.
I shoot it a lot with rockets and it dies fairly easily.
It shoots lasers and rockets at you.
Once downed yo enter a sewer tunnel.
Mission 10
I move through broken up sewer, avoiding electrified water by jumping on pallets, another fire to put out with a fire extinguisher. Now up a ladder.
He we end up in a construction yard. builders tell us to get in a container and they will lift it over for us. We are now in a kind of vehicle section where we get moved around and have to take out the waves of enemies.
Same barrel throwing dude kills me three times in a row, four and it's off.
I manage it by only shooting a pipe bomb into the place where he runs from.
Eventually the crane is toppled and we are back on foot.
I enter another construction yard area, then the front of the Dukedome. Aliens are toppling a statue of Duke.
Now we enter an area where there is a button to press to open a gate. Only there is no power on. We have to make our way into a portacabin, through the roof and switch on the power.
while we are inside the aliens attack in waves. Eventually the cabin is overturned and we can get out again.
Mission 11
I come to an area where there are containers which must be filled with barrels to make them tip and then jumped on to get to the next area. If this Half Life 2?
Now we must find a battery to get a crane working.
The crane's mast must be scaled to get into an adjacent site to get the battery. A dropship attacks and must be shot down with rockets.
Back at the crane we must bash a hole in the side of the stadium to enter.
We must position the crane so we can run up the mast to enter.
Mission 12
Now we are inside the stadium.
The alien hive is filled with organic matter. Orifice like doors and little bugs.
We have to hit a bug which rolls up into a ball. If the ball is rolled near a grabbing arm an orifice door is unlocked.
Now we see women cocooned and mutated to give birth to the aliens.
Little jump pads that shoot you up, in sequence like a human pinball.
Duke find his two girls mutated and they are killed by bug like aliens in front of him. This makes him angry.
Now we have puzzle, to get a door open we must find a ball, however it's far away down a dark corridor, enemies run interference.
Mission 13
More ball rolling to open a door.
Quite a bland level, sensing a theme.
New monsters that Duke seems to think are shaped like dicks. They shoot white goo.
No comment.
Mission 14
I come into a more human looking area again, part of the stadium. A door is locked and there seems to be an obvious way around the obstacle but I can't seem to jump up to the ledge where there is a way around.
You can throw a pipe bomb through and detonate it on the other side.
Now the queen. She has thick armor, and three breasts. We have to make her dazed by hurling a pipe bomb onto the jump pad which sends it over to her. She hits at us,and send the small monsters in as well.
Once the queen's health is low the octobrains arrive and they shoot your rockets right back at you.
Eventually I kill it and Duke is injured as it dies.
Mission 15
Now we are in what seems to be a dream sequence. Duke is in a strip club.
He is approached by a stripper who asks him to find three items. A dildo, a condom and a bag of popcorn.
Once we find them, in a locker, in the break room and in the toilet we are to go and get a lap dance.
Mission 16
Duke wakes up from his dream of lapdances to find he is in a helicopter heading for the Hoover dam.
The helicopter is shot down and we are on our own again.
We have to climb down from the tower we have crash landed in.
Lots of little ledges and tentacles to negotiate, ladders and some interference from alien jetpackers.
I find a crashed helicopter and have a little emplaced gun shooting to do at alien ships buzzing around the tower.
Then we get a gun called the devastator which is a rapid fire missile launcher.
A large ship needs to be taken down with it.
An alien jetpacker teleporter guy grabs Duke and takes him out into the air. Duke Punches his head off and then crashes through the window of the tower with the flying corpse.
Mission 17
We have crash landed in a duke burger, There is a puzzle with an electrified area blocking out way.
We have to get small and crawl through a hole, turn off the power then get small again and climb up and into the walls. We then make our way through the inside of the walls to the next area.
Mission 18
We now have tiny shrunk aliens to deal with, they hide under drink cups.
Little platform puzzles in the Duke Burger to make our way through the area.
We then have large enemies to deal with while shrunk, the trick is to lure them onto shrink pads so you can kill them.
We then have to clamber our way up the larder. Who told these people that platform games were fun in first person shooters?
Next is a marathon clamber around a kitchen that is filled with electrified water.
This is not fun at all.
I just got burned on a grill and have to go back for miles of non-fun jumping.
Eventually after much puzzling with a toaster I get past this awful area.
Mission 19
On the roof we have to wait for pickup from the military. Five minutes on the roof with monsters incoming. I get the shrink ray which is fun at least.
Once the aliens are shrunk you can stamp on them by running at them looking down.
Many waves and two large flying bosses are quite fun, for once.
This game is too stop start, you just get going with the gunplay and then it's back to wandering around and climbing stuff.
Mission 20
We have to fire from a helicopter gun too clear the landing zone at the dam.
Then we have to drive a monster truck. Nothing happens here though, just a drive along a track.
Mission 21
More driving here, we get to run over enemies and jump large gaps by using boost.
Eventually the truck runs out of gas and we are back on foot.
I have to clear the road and kill some waves before being allowed to move forward due to a barrier which is cleared for us by the enemy. Now we have the same puzzle as earlier. Get into a building via the skylight.
I get the gas can and have to go back to the truck. Some more road driving with bits of road being blown out by ships from above.
Mission 22
More road.
Then a town and yet another gas stop.
We have to clear this western town and then puzzle it out in a barn with pulleys and ladders to get the gas can. Turning a winch to move a platform and letting a ladder down.
More fighting in the town and then back to the truck.
Through the town and into a tunnel on the other side.
I get the holoduke here, which makes a holoduke that runs around doing stuff distracting the enemy. I am invisible while it is working.
Mission 23
More driving. This time we have trucks with barrel throwing enemies on the back to get past.
When we do the road runs out and all of us come crashing down.
The car is ok and we move on.
Mission 24
No gas left again.
Now into an abandoned mine.
We have a lot of enemies outside the mine. Then a dropship brings more in. Then we have to fight the dropship.
Now inside the mine for some puzzles with little mine carts. We have to get the mine cart to move with us in it to jump gaps.
Once I get the gas there is some platforming.
Then a mine cart ride out into the open and back to the truck.
Now we jump the truck over some bridges and into another tunnel.
Mission 25
Hopefully the last of the driving?
No, but not for long at least, we are near the focus of the action. A large spire or organics that seems to be sending a beam of electricity up into the sky causing a large cloud formation.
The president meets us here after we ditch our tuck in the water.
He isn't happy and still seems to think that he can negotiate with the aliens.
Duke is stoic and carries on where we meet up with some military for a firefight.
We fight along the dam until one of the big monsters from earlier appears.
This time it needs to have it's health worn down twice. It gets angrier and more deadly after the first QuickTime event.
Once he is downed Duke Rappels down the side of the dam. We have to go and find the general inside the dam's tunnels.
Mission 26
We meet some workmen and an EDF soldier downstairs inside the dam. The men have barricaded a door and there are lots of aliens behind it. They say they will open up a lock on the far side of the rooms beyond if we go in and clear out the aliens. I do, I get the freeze ray for this. Does what it says, hose the aliens and they freeze, run up and punch them and they shatter.
The door is opened and that is that.
Mission 27
Now we come to a section where there is alien growth blocking the way. We can turn valves which lets out steam which kills the growth. We have to move pipes by unlocking them and twisting them to make the steam reach an area of growth.
Now we fight some more and come to a shrink patch. Shrunk I now have to enter vents after clearing away rats. In the vents air is bowing fast and we are buffeted around and taken on a ride. I have to clear a brush from a fan to make it move to get carried upwards.
Now it gets complicated, inside the gears of a diabolical machine this is real first person platform gaming and a good example of why the genre doesn't work
Long reloading after death does not help here at all.
I eventually get through this nightmare. Considers stopping playing for a bit though.
Some electric switches and pistons to avoid at the top of the gears nightmare.
Now into a room with some small aliens attacking. Then another large alien while you are small scenario.
This seems to be the boss for this area.
Mission 28
We come out into a control room and have to open a door to get out onto the top of the dam.
Now some tentacle monsters who fly around hurling barrels and crates at you.
a lot of them and an emplaced gun.
Now a large one called an octaking. This is a fairly easy boss. It's attacks don't seem to harm me on the emplaced gun. It runs away, so I am sure we will be seeing it again.
I progress into a room where there are lots of waves of enemies then a puzzle involving a forklift to get up to a ledge. Into an elevator and mission is done.
Mission 29
I come out onto the generator room of the Hoover dam. The alien tentacles are infesting it.
This is a platform puzzle. I make my way up using the dam structure and the tentacles to the top. Then a man in a control room starts a large lift platform moving. This is a survival box and waves of flying aliens come before the octaking makes it's next appearance.
Here we have limited cover while the octaking and three octo aliens attack
This seems impossibly hard until you realize that the three octo aliens don't respawn infinitely. The boss is too hard with them shooting at you as well as them. So use pipe bombs to take them out until they stop respawning. Maybe around four sets of three. Then take out the octoking. Once his health is down a little he will take out your cover anyway which makes it impossible to survive with the other little octo's flying near you.
Once he is dead the lift goes to the far end and you climb down behind him into an elevator shaft and have to drop down into water.
Mission 30
We land in the water and have to climb out into another part of the dam. Putting out a fire lets you move forward.
Now we have a little puzzle where a spinning fan blade attached to a huge pole is blocking the way. Large metal toolboxes can be pushed into it from nearby and once three are in the fan stops.
Now we move through this huge generator machine room to a set of ducts.
Dropping into a room ends this mission.
Mission 31
Here we have more underwater fun.
Air bubbles like the ones from old sonic games refill your air.
we have to open a door with a wheel and a turbine gives us current to fight against.
Now we meet lots and lots of the little ocatababies in the water. The almost kill you instantly. Lesson one off terrible game design is don't give people tasks that are dull, like opening a stupid wheel door and swimming around for a few rooms before an annoying instant death moment. This game has been an exercise in masochism from near the start.
I hang back and retreat, and use pipe bombs and trip mines and manage to get past these annoying enemies. I can see humans fighting a large alien, one we have fought before.
Now we have an area of darkness. Some normal alien to fight. Ammo is running scarce here, a new tactic?
We start heading down into alien hive territory.
Mission 32
Now we have some fighting in more corridors. Then a large area. Here we have a scaffold on wheels that we must push to a point to make the way forward open. Taking out some crates that block the way.
A crane type boom seems to move when I shoot some barrels near an enemy standing on the pivot point.
It seems that the mission here is to get the boom to pivot until you can climb on it and get out of the area. You have to find barrels which can be placed in the basket of the crane and weigh it down. You need about five barrels. Once you find enough enemies start to come in in waves after each new barrel. Eventually two flying bosses arrive. Once dealt with you can climb the boom and leave the level.
Mission 33
We find a room full of aliens, a fight and a little puzzle to jump up and around the room to get out. Now we come to a large room,a pool in the middle is flooded and there is electrified water in the way. We have to jump on stepping stones in the water, accessed from the right side of the pool. Once across we come through some rooms climbing some stairs and come out above the pool. The EDF soldier is badly injured and tells Duke that the plan to shut the power of has not worked. The new plan is to blow the dam. Duke is given charges and the soldier dies.
The only way forward is to go down the ladder beside the soldier, which seems to be backtracking but never mind.
I have to move a platform, as we do so, octaflyers attack.
This bit is a pain in the ass as there is no cover and the octaflyer's attack has large splash damage.
there is around 40 seconds loading time each time you die.
Once the five octaflyers that attack almost all at once die you move the grate, flick the switch that is controlling the electricity to the pool. Now you can dive down into it and get a wheel turned to open the way out.
Mission 34
Now we pass through large underwater areas, always mindful of the need to keep close to air bubbles.
There is a large flooded area and it seems we have to plant two charges. I find the first one following air bubbles. Octaflyers attack and it's even harder now that you have air to worry about while fighting them.
Following the pipes and opening valves gets you forward. I find and plant the last bomb and a large eel like creature attacks. It's called an energy leech and it's annoying, it trashes you and shoots electrified darts at you. It also tries to suck you in.
In places like this where you die frequently you spend half your time waiting to respawn. Why, it can't possibly need to load the area again?
I eventually kill the worm with the bomb. swimming through the door the worm came from ends the mission.
Mission 35
Now I have an escape the dam mission. The place is blowing up and flooding. You have to stay above the flood water and keep moving. There is a broken bridge, which can be got past by using some red pipes to the side.
Now I go up some steps and barrels are flying down them at you.
Some more enemies to deal with at the top of the stairs, then some more running around breaking up stairs and walkways. Finally into a large pipe, water spills along it and we are washed out of the dam in time to see it breaking up.
Mission 36
Duke is resuscitated by an EDF soldier. The dam is blown, the portal is closing. It looks like the invasion is denied by Duke again. Nobody has seen the cycloid emperor. The president isn't happy.
He appears to have been on the cycloid side all along. The president tells Duke that he has called in a nuke and it will kill Duke. However the emperor is pissed and appears and kills the president. We are now into the final boss battle.
This is a repeat of the start of the game, only we are in the broken dam front rather than a football field. Strangely enough it's the easiest boss battle since the first one. I have to use rockets that we get from the pig cops that help the emperor. Once the emperors health is down he falls and I have to rip bits off him in QuickTime. Do this three times and it's over.
The general appears and picks Duke up in a helicopter. On the way out the Nuke goes off and the copter crashes. A computer screen tells us that Duke is KIA. Then we hear his voice telling us that he will be back.
The credits roll.
570 achievement points
16 hours on normal difficulty
